Honouring the Original Teen Mom

Almost 37 years ago, there was a 15 year old girl finding out that her life would be changing forever and in a way she may not have expected.  The change was that she would be going from a average teenager to a Parent.  Despite having options that would have been "easier" and "simpler" she chose a road that I never ever could have chosen, she chose to raise the baby.  I know so much about this person, the person I mockingly call the Original Teen Mom (yes I know there were millions of teen mothers before her) because that baby was me.  In honour of my 36th Birthday, I decided to honour my Mom for being so awesome and doing such a great job raising me.

Unlike certain reality shows, that tend to glamorise being 16 and a Mom or have camera crews to catch all the mistakes that are made to be played out over and over again on blogs and celebrity (hello since when does getting knocked up equal being on TV?)"news" programs there was nothing remotely glamorous going on.  There was support from Family but for the most part it was just the two of us.  I am not going to bore my readers with stories about the relationship between my Parents mostly because I don't remember them together much and that isn't my story to tell.  To ensure that there were clothes on my back, food in my belly and a roof over my head my Mom took a job in a factory assembling lamps.  In order to ensure she got there on time it meant hauling me across the city at the crack of dawn.  There were times I got to go to work with her and it was fabulous.  No, no it wasn't some child labour camp it was amazing.  The people my Mom worked with bought me treats off the food truck and I got to sit at my Nanny's (my Grandmother not someone my Mom paid) desk and colour on her calendar.

If I was my Mother, I would have probably have left me on the steps of a Church somewhere if I had a child who pulled any of the following:
1-Seeing an ad on the Subway during rush hour for Raid and hollering "Hey Mom, that's what we use to kill our bugs
2-Telling an old man on the Subway that it was okay to eat cake for breakfast since my Mom did it every day.  I do not recall ever seeing my Mom eating cake but my Mom was pregnant with my Sister at the time
3-Announcing very loudly on a very crowded bus that I needed to poop and poop immediately.  Keeping in mind this was 1979 and public transit wasn't very user friendly, Susie got off the bus even though the next bus was going to be in an hour just so I could ..........fart.  Did I mention it was the dead of Winter and colder then my attitude at 13?
4-Reaching over and pulling off a wig of some random woman on the subway.


It was the Charmaine and Susie Show (missed those merchandise promotional opportunities, where were her PR people???) for the longest time.  We had our routine and the highlight was payday!!!!!  After work we would head to Bargain Harold's on Gerrard near Coxwell to buy new Goody brand hair barrette since I would lose most of them while out and about.  The other part of the tradition was going to The Sunrise Restaurant which was great until I had to go to the bathroom.  Oh my Buddha on a bobsled, the bathrooms in this place were bright orange and the smell was enough to knock you out.  I ran into someone years later who had been a waitress there and she remembered how I would carry on.  Thank goodness Harvey Levin and crew weren't around then otherwise I would have been all over the "news" for my Diva like behaviour.  In September 1980 things changed, we went from a 2 person show to a 4 person show and one of the side characters was a little sister.  The relationship we have is a whole other entry but let me tell you I was less then impressed to have a squawk box honing in on my territory.  As she lay quietly in her crib sleeping I would use my Ninja skills to sneak into my Mom's room and peer through the bars of her crib and slowly reach in and grab her her toes and squeeze and pull on each one until she screamed bloody murder.  When asked why she was crying my response was "I don't know" and was usually followed by "can we send her back to the Hospital now"

When I went through my I hate you, and you and everyone else phase (can a phase really last 10 years??) and generally wasn't a very pleasant person to be around-hell I didn't even like being around me most of the time; Susie was there rolling with the punches.  Calling me out on my bullshit when needed and loving me more then I loved myself at times.  There were the times when she told me that she didn't like me very much (and trust me I wouldn't have liked me either) but she would always love me.

When one of my best friends in High School made a decision that almost cost her her life, there was only one person who I could call and I did.  I called my Mom who at the time embarrassed me by yelling at my friend for the whole 15 minutes we were in the car.  To this day, almost 20 years later I am still thankful for her yelling.  I don't know if I ever told this to my friend but my Mom yelled at your Father also and told him to get his head out of his ass.

Speaking of High School, I had an amazing English teacher who is absolutely brilliant.  For one project he assigned the novel Tess of the Duberviels, I am certain this is an amazing book however it kept making me fall asleep even the Cole's notes did the same thing.  I knew that if only Hamish (my teacher) knew that it was medically impossible to continue reading I would be excused from the assignment.  One day after class I explained the situation to him and he seemed very concerned and kept asking if the prognosis was correct.  A short time after I left the class, he called my Mother to talk about my "situation" which she brought up immediately when I got home from school.  I had told Hamish that I had a horrible case of Necrophilia when I meant to say Narcolepsy-oops big difference between falling asleep without warning and having sex with dead people. 

On July 5th, 2004 my world changed forever and I wanted to die.  I planned on dieing but it was my Mom who made me flush the toilet instead of swallowing.  I have never told her that for fear of disappointing her. 


I am so proud of you for growing up from a 16 year old who had a baby and that is about it to an amazing Mother (of 3)  and an even better Nanny to 3 and a great example of what hard work and dedication look like.  There weren't big parties thrown so our pictures could be in glossy magazines.  There weren't veneers and Botox shots at 22 to regain your "lost youth" there was the same pair of crappy running shoes worn for years on end and ponytails worn because you knew what was important and what wasn't. 
Thanks for being such an amazing Mom, love you.

I am the Brand

Almost all of the reality shows I watch aren't just shows they (or the people on them) have morphed into a brand.  I didn't need a film crew, stylist or PR person to help mold me into my public persona-life did that for me.  The brand that is Charmaine is all about perception and how people see me, some of it is who I really am and other parts are all smoke and mirrors.  No that isn't an admission of being a fake, it is an admission of not correcting people who don't take the time to get to know the real me.

My "real full time" job is one that I actually love going to on a daily basis.  While my official title sounds like I should be wearing a tiara, sash and carrying a sceptre Provincial Health and Safety regulations won't allow that so I settled for a fancy silver name badge instead.  I am known for three things at work; being bossy, quirky and crazy.  Yes, I am all three of those things-to a degree.  L,  is a friend and co-worker pointed out once, I am not bossy I just know what everyone needs to be doing ALL THE TIME.  It is true and to be honest, I am always respectful of those I work with and will not make anyone feel small.  Crazy does come in handy a lot of the time, who else would work 24 straight hours three days after having surgery, a seizure and no pain killers.  Right, I would.  My crazy does tend to come from my dedication to the job.  Apparently one day, my crazy vibe was low since I was asked what was going on and why the change of location had killed it-the question was never asked again.  Quirky, hands down and you know what it is how people remember me and as a result I have a lot of repeat business because people know I am being real with them and not trying to be someone I am not.  Have these qualities hindered my career?  Yeah, hands down it has taken me longer then I have wanted to reach certain benchmarks however I think that my true dedication and work ethic are coming out loud and clear along with being recognised by those who need to see it.

Do you remember the song "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks?  For the longest time, I felt like that was my anthem and not in a good way-I didn't care who thought I was a bitch or why they thought it; then I realised what the lyrics of the song were actually saying and I was really okay with it.  There are probably a handful of people who I have come into contact with over the last 36 years who know what those lyrics mean when it comes to me.

All good brands go through transitions, some are better then other.  Remember the fiasco of New Coke? The advantage of being my own brand is I get to choose do I want a line of OPI nail colours or do I want to reach everyone and strike a deal with Revlon?  Will I endorse the brand love my his Royal Airness or kick it old school with Rev Run and Steven Tyler?  I am looking at 2012 and being 36 as a transitional year and ultimately being the year of awesome.

First Episode, it's about time!!!! The blog has finally happened.

I have been saying for years that I should start a blog since my life really is an assortment pack of crazy that makes the reality shows that fill the prime time air waves look tame.  I have people say to me "Only you Charmaine only you" when I have shared a tale or adventure.  If the Kardashians and the Real Housewives can make a living off of airing their dirty laundry for all to see, I figure I might as well give away a few laughs along with not so many tears for free.

For those who are reading this blog because you know me in person, feel free to skip over this introduction.  If you have stumbled upon this blog and don't know me from the person sitting across from you at Starbucks allow me to introduce myself.  I am Charmaine, soon to be 36 which I am excited about even though it puts me that much closer to 40.  As I get older I appreciate the ageing process much more then when I was younger.   I love and I mean LOVE reality television, the trashier the better.  Almost 8 years ago when I thought I should try on crazy on a daily basis, I actually applied to be on a reality show.  Sadly (or is it??) I wasn't contacted or selected however there is a whole other post coming up about my love for anything that includes a Bounty Hunter, Little Person, hoarding of empty pop bottles, a fame whoring family or getting hammered while trying to win a rose at a ceremony.  There is much more about me that I could share such as siblings, friendships, my career and relationship statuses however that info will make for interesting blog posts in the future.

I will be fair to any family and friends whom I will include in blog by giving them warning that I will be posting about a situation.  Names will be changed to prevent embarassment.  If you are ever included in the blog and feel like you were portrayed in a negative manner, say something to me about it don't hold it inside.  I try not to edit myself in an effort to make others happy and for that reason, at this point I will allow comments to be posted without moderater appoval.  If things are to ever turn nasty or information is posted that I know will offend other readers, it will be removed.

For my friends who know that I am a stickler for spelling, the one misspelled word in the title of my blog was done on purpose to avoid receiving a cease and desist order from our friends at the E! Network or Mr American Idol himself.

Thanks for stopping by and checking out my blog.  Stay tuned for future adventures.